first came the sound the sizzle and crackle
awake and aware
the sensation cool and damp
musty and over ripe scent
wearing just a thin white t-shirt and jeans, feet bare and exposed
feeling the texture of the ground
rough, course sharp
through numbing toes
the soles tell tales of pain
the shifting clouds reveal a moon huge and full
but the illumination does not remain
the billowing clouds flash the light and then return the darkness
the chill passes over my arms and i shiver
goosebumps raise on exposed skin
i reach out in the flickering light and feel it
inches away from my breath the wall of thick growth
the rustle of the wall itself tells me that it is a living thing
i step forward and it tears at my hands
i pull back
i stretch to the left and there is no barrier
i turn towards the false reality of path, freedom
waving my hands frantically in the semi darkness and step towards the left
my foot screams to my mind of sharpness
the exposed warmth of my blood
cools quickly in the damp night
i cry out
the rustle of the wall answers back
why am i here? races to flood my thoughts
sensations over power even the smallest question
pushing forward into what appears to be openness
only to feel the sharpness at my fingertips
the wall is there again
try to turn
my head screams to my pounding heart
i swing my body around and reach out towards the new direction
there is open air
i place my hands to the ground before i step
the tangled roots and stalks litter the terrain
i push some away before i step
keenly aware
i do not wish to cut my foot yet again
but it is no use the daggers of stalks slice open my finger
my heart is pulsating and i have yet to step forward
the flicker of moonlight
shows a path is now before me
tentatively i move forward and feel the slicing of my feet
there is no other option
i continue to step upon the wicked sensation
akin to barbed wire
tearing at my exposed skin
shivering in the night
the thought enters my head
stay here do not move the night will pass
daylight will provide the safety to escape
this level of hell not written by Dante
yet crafted by his own visions of Hades
fear is overwhelming
pushing clarity and sense aside
move damn it
do not remain stuck
my trembling body screams to me
get out
find safety and security
remembering my warm bed so soft and enveloping
wake from this nightmare
i can not be in a nightmare the pain is too real
the blood too real
the cold too real
why?
i scream silently again
why am in this evil dwelling
what have i done?
or failed to do to deserve this torture
g-d please help me
i shout to my own heart beat
fearing the noise might awaken another layer of hell
i push forward with both hands
silently screaming each second
the moon now clear in the black velvet over head
i see that i can move forward and there is a path
stepping gingerly
each foot fall
more tearing, more blood
but not a sound can i utter
the light of the now exposed moon
allows me to see the walls are taller than i
blacker than the night above me
they surround me on all sides
what can i do?
thoughts race, run but into painful walls?
stand still and wait till morning for light to open the path
each step is horrifying pain
each new wall before me fear and frustration
each second is an eternity
i pray for guidance
silence and the harsh wind my only response
how did i end up here?
why?
this is just another obstacle of my life
systematic of all that has been wrong
why do i have to suffer so?
i am a good person and strive to do better
yet here i am in this nightmare that is all too real
i used to wonder if you feel pain in a nightmare
now i know
if i just can trust my intuition
let my mind hear the directions
less thinking
more feeling
open my heart that there is a way
out
all i need is breathe
and i will get out
of this
tony scarpa
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