people do use that phrase often and many, i would guess don't even know what it means,
to have ~ blind faith~.... is it only in a religious slant that one can have so blind a faith?....personally i am having a bit of a wrestle with blind faith, part of me longs to believe that i should follow my religion to its core and be an observant jew. as it stands i light my sabbath candles every friday night live stream to the most amazing synagogue, Central Synagogue in new york city, say the prays, work on my pathetic hebrew, turn off my phone, computer, tv, and use the time to read and talk to my g-d...
i know the almighty is pretty busy, there are some serious issues going on out there. but i do not ask for much, because in my belief system we have been given all the tools here on earth to make our lives work. some obviously have been given the ability to use them better than others but we all start out with that breath of life, where things go from there. that becomes your journey to become the best version of you that you can strive to become.... in my book Possibilities i show people how they can take what they believe to be the path they were placed upon by society ie: family, religion, teachers.. so many people can place us on a path and we do not have to remain on that path....
diversion- sidebar ok dude follow the rules.....
but there is that faith issue that is gnawing at me today. following the traditions of my people i should celebrate the sabbath with joy and reserve, that the time is not only a gift from g-d but a commandment from g-d as well, so a little bit of a sharpness to it. follow because it is a good thing to do but you have no choice to follow....
fridays are the day to prepare for the sabbath and that means making sure the meal is ready to go, that my home is welcoming to the sabbath, and i am mentally prepared to enter into the sacred time.... i am not complaining or whining about the work that is involved it is part of the responsibility and the reward,
that being said i live alone and my days are the same 24 hours that all of you have, not to be petty but i am busy, my days fly by, and every night before i know it its 2 a.m. not the best time to start getting ready to sleep... but truly my days are full... again like everyone there are things that must get done, so they get done...
i devote the time before sundown, till after my sabbath candles burn out, then i go to bed....
in theory i must remain in sabbath mode until saturday evening, this is where it gets sticky, i have been a converted jew for over 25 year now, but due to not following the path, and studying and learning more about the reality of my chosen faith...
life has a way of pushing purpose out of the way...no excuse just reality...
and being recently pulled back into the fold ...it was one of those unfortunate mistakes that have a bit of divine intervention ....i had made it my goal to focus on a reconnection to faith and belief after an absence of too long....
the truth be told... the jewish faith and being gay don't always lend themselves to a direct connect... so once i no longer felt welcome, as the words that were coming to me were not words of acceptance and tolerance, i allowed myself to follow other paths, i studied Buddhism and found a peace and a level of balance with my hectic life to know the words of buddha.... and for a few years they were enough to give me faith and allow me to accept my own life choices in a positive way..
this summer i had a powerful experience where i felt an unexplainable level of true joy one that i do not believe i have ever experienced, yes i felt amazement at the birth of both of my daughters, g-ds work in the creation of life left me up in the clouds for easily 6 months to a year after each one.... so i knew happiness, but joy was a different feeling all together... it was a wash that came over me and it was so amazing and beautiful and inspired me to continue to communicate with my g-d.... and as many people know when you are placed at the right time and the right place miracles happen. so in feeling the presence of my higher power, the signs pointed me back to judaism and the traditions i loved and connection i felt that drew me to the fold so many years ago...
i was sad that the old school judaism would not accept me as i was, after all was i not made in the image of my g-d? does my g-d dwell on the imperfections of humanity or does g-d see us how we truly are behind the masks we wear everyday to hide from each other and sometimes even ourselves?
the g-d who made me loves me as i am, so i must love myself as i am...
sidebar...diversion- oops he did it again....
i made it a point to observe the jewish holidays last fall, and obviously not being part of a temple i would have to go it alone, which was fine i knew how to observe the two just as they need to be observed... but with our new world i was able to connect via the computer to live services around the country so i did not have to be alone.... my first attempt was to open the very first link i saw and to watch and observe safely from a distance ...
well there was a g-dly glitch and instead of watching services from chicago that the link provided i was directed to Central and as i watched and listened to rabbi Angela Buchdahl, who is an asian american woman, as well a the lead rabbi...was this g-d inspired or what?.....when she posed the question of people who see her and ask is she jewish enough? and i was hit with a ton of bricks as a convert with such an obviously italian name did i not hear that same question, was i ever going to be jewish enough?...that was it!.... i began watching and listening to every word that she said and i found something that was missing for some time a home, a place, a connection to my jewish choice... as time went on i watched more services and saw that not only was the rabbi an asian american woman, another rabbi and cantor were openly gay and they had spouses and were raising children in the faith, that was when i knew this group would accept me just as i was...
i did not have to turn my back on my chosen religion any longer and i knew that g-d had placed me on the right path... from then i learned each week a bit more and began to learn the prayers and the flow of the services it was now my direction to follow my faith, no not blindly but with open eyes, and open mind and an open heart.
yes some can observe their faith blindly and completely, for me it was an eye opening event, so no i do not observe blindly any longer but with a full heart and a level of joy that i did not believe was even possible... to find acceptance and be handed it right to me as if on a silver platter- there was no doubt in my mind that i needed to become more involved in my connection, Central is in new york city, so it's not impossible to go in person one day, the waiting list is years to get in and i am sure that the dollars to become a member are high, and to contribute to running and maintaining a landmark building are not within my reach at this moment in my life. but having an eye opened i believe that if g-d intends for me to enter that sanctuary then i will. i suppose my faith is more in the hands of g-d where it rightly belongs than in the hand of man..
is there an answer to my question?
yes and no.... simply put yes some people have blind faith that keeps them grounded to where they are meant to be..... and no in my own profound way i needed to seek my faith openly with every ounce of fiber in my being....and to see where i was to be heading- towards that joyful place i can enter every friday night when i light my sabbath candles... knowing in my own way i am closer to my g-d!
tony
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