catchy tune, but in reality do you know where you are right now? do you believe that you are at the right time and place to get to be the person you were meant to be? or are you stumbling in the fog lost and hoping that no one else will notice that your heart is only half way in?....
into what? i would say most of us are half way into our professional lives, half way into most personal relationships. and worst of all half way into our own hearts,
yeah yeah, just about everyone is saying right now who the heck is this guy?
does he thinks he is some kind of psychic guru? he is not talking about me, i have the greatest job, the best partner, lover, spouse... and i am totally into loving myself....
well if that is you and you are so amazingly content with your life. then bravo, mazel tov and you can just click out of the blog and move on to that second doughnut, or how about another drink maybe?
we spend the most time, consciously aware of what others are thinking about us that we lose sight of what we really want. when in total honesty everyone else is so consumed worrying about what others are thinking about them, they truly don't notice the things that fault ourselves on...
too many women and men in this country today have become obsessed with the exterior beauty that has been shoved at us from every advertisement for everything from travel brochures to buying a car or a bar of soap....
join the gym workout 2-3 hours a day, build that body beautiful and will that make your self esteem feel all that much better?.... of course it will. duh! release that many chemical endorphins into your bloodstream you now have a work out high.... feeling great you look in the mirror and see the you that only you see, for most women they focus on any areas where they see the smallest amount of fat that "hello" the normal body was designed to hold....or they begin to rip at any other so called flaws of their bodies- "my breasts are too big! my breasts are too small! look at my thighs, and my backside- too big too small!" you all know the drill because you beat the heck out of yourselves everytime you look in the mirror, and the guys yeah i am talking to you! are no better, "my abs are a mess, my shoulders are too small, my belly too big, where are my pecs, i have the arms of a 12 year old!" our society has become so self obsessed with the exterior that we totally ignore the person within, the heart of who we really are....
in working on my book Possibilities, i saw that we need to look at where we are right now, in the present, and deeper into our selves... that the exterior can be a great and beautifully wrapped box, all covered in the best paper, decorations and ribbon and surprise the box is empty.. why is the box empty? you say. well the box has been given so much attention to it's outside appearance that there is no energy devoted to filling that box. ok so what does this have to do with me you ask?
i think that living that half hearted life has taken the energy away from doing some real work on getting to be the person you want to be, not who everyone expects you to be.
we all wear many titles - father, mother, son, daughter, husband, wife, brother, sister, uncle, aunt... cousin ,nephew, niece, grand parent, grandchild that is just within your immediate family, we are also, friend, co-worker, student, teacher.... the list of titles we have is limitless, since we are all different our titles are different and along with those titles the list of responsibilities grows.
listen no one expects you to be all things to all people, "to thine own self be true." as old william s, once said ..... too bad willie boy is not around today to give us that smack upside the head we need, but with a bit of reminding every now and again, you can work on filling that empty box, with more than half a heart... if you are for example a dog groomer, be the best darn dog groomer that you can be, understand that if you are a dog groomer some time some place you made that career choice. take away that particular title and insert your own job description, be the best at whatever you do, if not then stop doing it!..
he did not just say that we should quit our jobs did he?... well in so many words i would say never just quit your job, but if you do not love what you do, how can your heart be in it?.... i have been loving what i do and doing what i love for a long time and that can make all the difference in having more than half a heart in something...
it always takes a wake up call to see the truer purpose and doing what i loved was not what i really loved, sure it was a job and put gas in the car, paid the bills and food on the table... but it was not my purpose... that was harder to find and i had to stop and look inside at what was important, yes paying bills and eating are kind of important... but if your box is empty, and you don't know it, you find other ways to fill that emptiness, some do it with food, drugs, drink, shopping.... only to find out that the emptiness was just filled for a moment. never more than a short period of time, sadly our society places such huge pressure to be part of a couple, many people are drawn to someone who is nice to them, kind, considerate, again the list is endless... and after a period of time we convince ourselves that what i am feeling must be love, and isn't that the greatest feeling?...to feel love and love in return is a miraculous thing...remember that endorphin high, from the gym, hit that sucker up about 100 notches on the feeling scale, love blows everything else out of the water, but if love is the answer, why is the divorce rate as high as it is? why do so many spouses cheat on each other?
do people fall in love with the right person or do they fall in love for fear of being alone, our society frowns on the single person everyone feels sorry for them, like they are one of the toys on the island of misfit toys... defective somehow.. and many people will do everything in their power to not be that misfit toy.... alone = bad... no on wants to be a cowboy riding an ostrich, or a water pistol that shoots jelly, you know what i am talking about....
trust me i know, when i was 18 and came out to my family that i was gay, everyone was pretty cool, but my classic italian mother, looked me in the eyes after she wiped the tears from her own and said "that is the worst thing you could have every told me!" "but mom, why? i am still the same person i was 20 minutes ago nothing about me is any different, i just wanted you to know the truth!"... i pleaded with her, since i knew that she cried almost never... " it is a life where you will always be alone, that is why i said what i said, alone, forever alone!" she wiped her eyes dry and said "ok let's have dinner." boom the topic was over for her, but for me a curse was placed over my head.... "forever alone!" i was 18 what did forever alone mean to me? nothing at the time but as my life proceeded to continue the empty box was beginning to sound and feel really bad. so i know from where i speak about looking to fill the box with what seems like the right fit, in time the right fit proved to not be the right fit, i would not know until 30 years later that no other person could ever fill that emptiness.... i needed to actually be alone for the first time in my entire life to stop and look at just what that emptiness felt, like.... and i learned i was not cursed by my mother, it was her own emptiness crying to me...
today i was made aware from a very dear friend that i am an optimistic cynic.... and in one second i was branded, it was the truth...
love is a wonderful and beautiful experience and i wish that everyone finds that one person that adds value and spark to their lives, but does not fill up any emptiness... for to truly be loved you must learn to love yourself first, to get to know that emptiness to see it for what it is, to accept it, acknowledge it, own it, because only then can it begin to get smaller as we fill our lives with our purpose it fills in and no other person, thing, drug, food or drink will ever become the problem.... since we will know what it is like to be whole... i ask you again, right now does anyone really know what time it is?
tony
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